No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
