There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Success! We fucked roommates!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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