she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
