i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
