it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize