if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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