not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
