I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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