you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
