Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
