Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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