I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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