Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
