i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
