I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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