I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
