How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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