I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
