im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
they need to just BURY HIM!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
