Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
