dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
