"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
