sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
