Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
