why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
