oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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