I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
FUCK WHALES
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
