This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
