Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
