my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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