today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
