She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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