i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize