I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
