she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
