I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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