Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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