Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
