We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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