I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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