john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
