I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
