Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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