He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
