News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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