so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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