he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
