I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
