Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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