btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
