I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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