From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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