The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
