I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
