remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
