found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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