My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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