i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
